Mmm, tasty.

Did you hear that a man in the Outer Banks was eaten by a shark a few weeks ago?

THE OUTER BANKS? That's like way north. I expect these things to happen off the coast of Florida or in Australia (number one fear about Australia? The alarming and massive amount of things that will kill you just by being NEAR you), but North Carolina? That's not right. My biggest worry about North Carolina beaches should be jellyfish (jellyfish are in my category of "why do they exist?" What good are they? They just make people hurt. Bad form, Jellyfish, bad form).

Sharks, like caves, are one of those things that I think no one in the their right mind is not totally terrified of.

THEY EAT PEOPLE. (I hear people are not that tasty, and so they eat people is not exactly accurate, more like they attack people and chomp on them a while and then those poor people bleed to death. Still, details. The fact remains that if you run into a shark odds are you are not making it out of that situation intact.)

Sharks are bad news. Let's not forget that. They are serious business.

I thought all people were aware to avoid sharks like the plague. And then I read this.

HE RISKED HIS ARM TO SAVE A SHARK?!?

WHAT?

I have no words for you Crazy, Australian Dude. I know things are different Down Under. I know that you have learned to not be afraid of things that most other people are afraid of. But you had to stick your arm down the shark's throat to save it?

ARE YOU NUTS?!

Did you all miss Jaws? Did you forget that they will RIP YOU TO SHREDS?!

My worst fear?

Meeting a Cave Shark. It probably exists. That son-of-a-bitch the Goblin Shark exists, there's probably no way that the Cave Shark is also not real.

There's a lesson here, people. Sharks are bad news. Let's stop making them fun characters in Disney movies ("Hello, Bruce!"). Let's stop trying to bring sympathy to the most deranged and terrifying creature on this planet.