This blog is brought to you by the letter L. And the number 1.

I made a startling, and quite honestly all together unwelcome, observation.

I may be getting dumber.

Without constant stimulation, I think my brain might be turning into nothing more than mush. Actually, it's probably more Jell-o like than mush, because I still remember the words to the theme song of the "Fresh Prince of Bel-Aire" which gives me minimal hope that some things are being retained.

I find myself being stumped with even the most basic math. 1+1=what? 2? Someone find me a calculator. (Side note: What I can do with a calculator is write out the words boobs and boobless, which is still as funny as it was in fifth grade. Boobs is a funny word. So is poop. Double oo's get me every time.)

Whereas in college I would often choose movies which would stimulate me intellectually, I now choose movies staring Keanu Reeves.

It's terrible, and something must be done. I cannot let any more brain cells drift away into obscurity only to be replaced by the words to some Beyonce song. I must save myself from myself. Read Proust instead of Jodi Picault. Listen to Vivaldi instead of Kanye.

I think I've figured out a five step plan. Which is as follows:

1. Learn a new language. I figure the good people at Rosetta Stone can help me out with this one. Polish maybe? Brush up on my French? (and by brush up, obviously I mean relearn everything that has fallen out of my brain in the six years since I was in high school). I could try to learn Arabic and get a job with the CIA. I'm pretty stealth. Like a ninja. Only clumsier.

2. Read War and Peace. The whole damn thing. Not just the beginning chapters and the last page, but every word in between. And then read Ulysses. And not just use them as paper weights or carry them around just so people think I'm smart. I want to actually be smart.

3. Teach myself to play violin. Nothing's classier than the violin. Smart people play the violin. And then they debate the merits of the teachings of Nietzche over a glass of red wine. I can totally do that. Probably.

4. Stop watching So You Think You Can Dance and watch CSPAN more often. I have a secret theory that those senators go a little crazy right when they think no one's watching. They have Champagne Fridays and make margs for Hump Day. They just assume people are flipping right past CSPAN. False! I will be watching. Senator Spector from Pennsylvania, I saw you beat Senator Kerry at flip cup. He's been practicing, I'd watch out.

5. Learn how to do chemistry. And not just basic chemistry, but like the really serious stuff. I want to know more than just the periodic table. I want to tell you the point of the periodic table. It's not just so college students can replace it with types of alcohol and hang it on their walls. It has a point. I just don't know what that is.


This plan is going to save me. Save my brain cells. I'm going to be a Arabic speaking, CSPAN loving, violin playing, chemist who loves her some Tolstoy.

Or else, DVR So You Think You Can Dance for me while I go listen to the latest Britney Spears song and I'll watch it after I read the last Twilight. If I kill off enough brain cells maybe I won't miss the ones I've lost.