Hi-ya!

There are questions that vex me.



Such as, is there anything more badass than a ninja? They're totally badass. They can probably kill you with their pinkies. Maybe just even their baby toes. Not even their big toes. Amateurs can kill you with their big toes. Only a ninja can slice you in half with their little toe.



And why do they keep letting M. Night Shyamalan make movies? They aren't good. And they keep getting worse. The Happening? Really? Because I love Zooey and Marky Mark and his funky bunch, but that movie sucked. Maybe more than any movie has ever sucked ever. There have been worse movies, I'm sure (I'm looking at you Zohan), but no one making say, The Love Guru was under any kind of delusion that they were making a good, or even decent movie. They were fully aware that it probably sucked huge donkey balls. But M. Night thinks his movies are good. And that's what makes them so bad.


Do you think Dick Cheney eats babies for breakfast? He might. He's pretty much the embodiment of all that is wrong in this world. And why won't he go away? Can't he join Horse Face Ann Coulter and slink off into the evil GOP lair to plot world domination once again? He's obviously been foiled by an adversary much smarter and more awesome than he (I tip my hat at you Mr. Obama), isn't it time for him to go somewhere that's not here? Why, oh why, must I still have to hear about him? Go away, Dick. Go AWAY.


Why can't I huggle a lion? Why will it eat me if I try to be his friend? Simba totally wouldn't eat me. We'd be pals. I'd like to be the lion at the zoo's pal. We can hang out and talk about how lame the leopard is. I think we could be good friends given an opportunity.


I would not like to see a ninja on the street. But I would if I was with my friend the Lion. And together all three of us could hunt down Dick Cheney and shove him and Ann Coulter and Bill O'Reilly on a boat and send them out to sea. I don't want harm to befall them. I just want them off my television and out of my newspapers. And maybe somehow they could all lose the ability to talk. I'd like that. A lot.


And seriously, M. Night. Stop trying to be clever. Just. Stop. Please. No more movies.