Maybe the dog can find water. I mean, dogs can find pot and bombs, so I'm sure they can find water

Know who is on my list?

ABC.

For being so freaking awesome.

Damn it ABC.

First FlashFoward? Now Lost? (Although to be accurate, those two shows should be flipped. I'm a little late coming to the party for Lost).

Bob is also on my list. Also for being awesome. He let me borrow the first two seasons of Lost. Now I'm hooked. Damn it Bob. (Reminds me of a great Bob story. When all the seasons of Gilmore Girls were being passed around the Bou, he came to me one morning and without so much of a greeting said, "Rory loses her virginity to Dean doesn't she? No! Jess! No! Dean! You know what? I don't want to know." And then walked away).

How am I supposed to do anything productive when there are Lost episodes to be watched? And Jack Shepard to look at? AND HURLEY! I LOVE HURLEY SO MUCH IT MAKES ME WANT TO DIE.

This is no good. I did not need this, ABC. Why can't you be more like NBC and have like one or two good shows and then suck at life otherwise? (Although, NBC, you are also on my list because of the latest Office. The wedding? Jim cutting off his tie? Killed me dead).

I have to go to work, ABC. And now all I will be thinking about is Locke and Sun and Claire, poor Claire, and stupid Shannon who is stupid (and who was also in the movie Taken , where she is also stupid. And runs funny. And screams a whole lot. And cries. And is stupid), and Boone who has really pretty eyes.

I will never forgive you, ABC. I hate what you have reduced me to. You and DVR. In cahoots. I HAVEN'T READ A BOOK IN TWO DAYS, ABC! YOU ARE TURNING MY MIND INTO MUSH AND I'M A WILLING PARTICIPANT. Can't you put more garbage on television? Can't you just keep putting Dancing with the Stars on? I know how to turn that off. You and your captivating television can suck it.