It was always burning since the world's been turning

Friends are great, aren't they? (Insert sarcasm here). Because they remember times that sometimes you'd very much like to forget.



For example, while I don't remember, apparently I once sent a text message to Jen claiming that Billy Joel owned my soul. I don't doubt it happened. Billy Joel does kind of own my soul. Plus, he didn't start the fire, so there's that too. Billy Joel happens to land on my list of a-okay Double Namers.



While I was amused by this reminder of a text I most likely (read: definitely) sent while kind of intoxicated (on milk, obviously, because Yoo-Hoo is the strongest drink I put in my body), I was suddenly struck by a horrifying thought.



What other things do my friends remember that I don't?



And! What can I remember about them in retaliation?



Because isn't that what friendship is about? Gandhi once said "an eye for an eye will make the whole world blind," but what did Gandhi know? Besides how to peacefully win a rebellion and how to lead his people and all of that. Yeah, yeah, Gandhi. Show off. I also once led my people in a non-violent political protest (okay, so yes, that never happened. But I did wear an Obama bracelet AND made a t-shirt with a donkey that said "A Change Will Do You Good." Where's my recognition? Where's MY Nobel Peace Prize?)



Friendship is about collecting as much dirt on them so to counterbalance the dirt they are collecting on you. In a successful friendship a balance must be maintained at all times.



And you thought friendship was about enjoying each other's company?



False.


So my friends, save those text messages. Tag those pictures on the great FB. Remember the time that I told someone during Hurricane Ivan that it wasn't raining.


But remember, I know things about you too. Lots of things. Things that would make your grandmothers blush.


It's going to be a long friendship.